Letters to Brian Sabean and Bruce Bochy

In the exquisite film The Shawshank Redemption, “Andy” Dufresne (Tim Robbins) wrote a letter per day to the State, requesting that they fund his library project. Eventually, it worked.

Sadly, I bet some Giants fan out there has a desire for Brandon Belt to play first base over Aubrey Huff for the San Francisco Giants. I bet that desire is so strong that it even exceeds that of Andy. The main reason that I believe this is true is simple: This is real life. Andy obviously wanted it more, a lot more even, but that film was just make believe. And besides, baseball fans are sort of loony.

And so it begins…

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18 July 2011

Dear Mr. Bochy and Mr. Sabean,

I’ve been watching most of the games this season, and the offense really stinks. I guess you two fellas, as smart as you are, can see that. But I also noticed that one of your worst players is Aubrey Huff. I really like him. Remember when he was really good and wore a red thong underneath his uniform? That was fun. I like winning the World Series.

I changed my mind – I really love Huff. He was awesome last year. If I could, I’d go out and have a 12-pack with him and talk all about the 2010 season. But what I wouldn’t do is let him play first base every day and bat cleanup. I’d let Brandon Belt do that. Well, maybe not bat cleanup, but I’d let him play.

He has played 43 games this season in Triple-A. He has 11 doubles, seven home runs and 29 runs batted in. Best of all, he has a .324 average and is getting on base a ton. But I guess you two smart guys knew that.

I saw this hit chart for Huff yesterday in an article entitled “4-3.” I think  they called it that because, when a player grounds out to second, that’s what you write in the score book. The guy that wrote it uses a lot of weird stats, so sometimes I can’t follow.

But I’ll tell you, that hit chart was straightforward enough. Most of the balls put into play by Huff were clustered around second base. I later found out that the chart wasn’t real, and that the writer had doctored it. That’s what concerned me. Because I thought it was real. And some other fans did, too.

So please consider playing him. Belt I mean. I also like Belt, and it sure seems like he’s a swell Southern guy too, and that he could help the team score more runs.

Sincerely,

The Biggest Giants Fan

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19 July 2011

Dear Mr. Bochy and Mr. Sabean,

Great move on getting Keff Jeppinger. Oops! Jeff Keppinger I mean. My friend says he hits lefties really well, which makes him an ideal platoon for Mike Fontenot. Whatever that means. I liked that movie.

But anyway, the real reason I am writing you is because I see that you got my letter. Thank you so much for thinking so highly of my opinion. You two guys are a real couple of geniuses – Which, respectfully, is plain enough to see by the size of your head, Bruce.  So it’s rather flattering to a guy like me, the biggest Giants fan there is.

Wow! What a splash he made in a hurry, almost literally! To think that he hit a home run in his first at-bat and a game-winning double in the same game, well… I guess it was just amazing. But you two fellas know that.

Anyway, thanks again.

Sincerely,

The Biggest Giants Fan

P.S. Tough break for the kid that he has to face Clayton Kershaw tomorrow. Even if he doesn’t get another hit, I know you two chaps will see he’s a real tough lefty, a Cy Young-type lefty, and that there’s no reason to bench him for it.

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22 July 2011

Dear Mr. Bochy and Mr. Sabean,

Like I said, it was a tough break that Belt didn’t do anything against Kershaw. But then again, nobody else did, either.

I sure thought that Belt would get the start against Shaun Marcum, because he throws right-handed and Belt hits left-handed and he did so good the other day and he was doing so great in the minors and… oh well. I guess maybe he’ll start tomorrow.

I’m sure you two know what you’re doing, and that Belt maybe just needed a day off.

Sincerely,

The Biggest Giants Fan

P.S. I am thinking of getting a Belt t-shirt. Which color is your favorite?

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23 July 2011

Dear Bochy and Sabean,

I just checked the lineup and Brandon Belt is not it. I’m beginning to grow concerned. Is he hurt? I know he pinch hit and struck out yesterday, but it didn’t seem like cause for alarm.

I hope this letter finds each of you in good health, along with Belt. Please write me back. Or better yet, if Belt is in the lineup tomorrow, I will know that all is well.

Sincerely,

The Biggest Giants Fan

P.S. I bought the all black t-shirt with the numbers on it. It’s my favorite thing.

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24 July 2011

Dear Bruce and Brian,

I watched the game today. It was really awesome that you let Brandon Belt play again. Not only because he did really good by getting two hits and getting on base three times, but because he is my favorite player.

I must say, though, I was a little surprised he was playing outfield. It doesn’t seem like his natural position. Plus, I remember everyone saying that he was such a superb first baseman, and even J.T. Snow, who was like Keith Hernandez at first without the cocaine and the mustache, said he was excellent.

And also, Aubrey Huff, the guy that I really like but don’t want to play so much, he hasn’t looked so hot lately. But I guess maybe a few outfielders were banged up. Ya, that’s it.

But I guess you can’t argue with results! A win! Keep up the good work.

Sincerely,

The Biggest Giants Fan

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24 July 2011

Dear Bruce and Brian,

Have you heard of a guy named Grant Brisbee? He writes this weblog, and it’s called McCovey Chronicles. Anyway, he wrote this hilarious joke post today while the Giants were visiting the White House. It was called The real reason why the Giants are visiting the White House. It was all a joke, you know, in good fun.

So he was like talking about how someone had planted a bomb at the White House, and how Huff had been called in to disarm it. And the room was shaped like a baseball diamond and had lasers protecting the bomb. So then he would hit one of those grounders he does so often to second, and that would disarm the bomb. I guess I’m bad at jokes.

You should just read it, because we all did and we all laughed over and over and over, and everyone said Grant was brilliant. And I agreed. Everyone did, really. I will just copy it down.

http://www.mccoveychronicles.com/2011/7/25/2293023/the-real-reason-why-the-giants-are-visiting-the-white-house

Just type that into your lapt… never mind.

I guess it seems like everyone realizes how bad he’s been this year. It’s too bad, too, because I really like that guy. Huff. He’s a really nice guy and a really good player. Well, at least he was. Especially last year. What a great story that was.

Well, anyway, it sure is a good thing that we (oops, I hate when I do that) the Giants have a great player like Brandon Belt to step right in and take his place.

There’s this writer for ESPN named Keith Law… he’s a bit condescending at times, maybe on account of being so short and going to Harvard and working for the Blue Jays…anyway, he thinks Belt is going to be a heck of a player. And Law (Klaw, they call him) is smart, and he really knows his stuff. Actually, he thinks Belt is a heck of a player now. I’m sure it’s not news to you two, though, you’re too smart.

Sincerely,

The Biggest Giants Fan

P.S. Tell Bobby Evans good job for drafting him. What a steal! Belt I mean.

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26 July 2011

Dear B&B,

That sucked. I sure was hoping the Giants would put up a better fight against the Phillies after the rivalry they forged when they knocked them out last Fall. That was awesome.

I guess it’s tough to blame Zito, considering he didn’t have much time to prepare with Timmy coming down with the stomach flu so all of a sudden. But boy, did he ever get bombed. The first inning sort of looked like  batting practice. Oh well.

But the real reason I’m writing you is to ask about Belt. The Giants were playing against another right-handed pitcher yesterday, and so I thought Belt would play. I was sure of it. He had the two hits and the walk against the Brewers.

But I just remembered this Worley guy was a rookie. I guess maybe you thought he was left handed or something. Ya, that’s probably it. I mean that has to be it. You guys are too smart. Way too smart.

Regards,

The Biggest Giants Fan

P.S. Don’t you guys have scouting reports that tell you which hand the opposing pitcher throws with? Oh well.

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27 July 2011

Dear B&B,

Wow! What a day! The Giants beat them Phillies and the Giants get Carlos Beltran all in the same day! I hope they win a World Series now, and this surely has to make you guys more of a favorite than you were before.

Who’d you give up for him, anyway? Oh well. Who cares!? Carlos Beltran!

The Biggest Giants Fan

P.S. I couldn’t help but notice that Brandon Belt wasn’t in the lineup. He did get to run some, and I suppose Hamels is a tough lefty and that he didn’t do so well against Kershaw. But the more I think about it, Huff is a lefty, too. I guess it doesn’t matter. Why? Because tomorrow the Giants are playing those Phillies again, and this time them Phillies will be up against the Killer Belts!

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27 July 2011

Dear B&B,

First, I apologize for the second letter in one day. It feels sort of like when people keep hitting “All Reply” on their emai… never mind.

Aubrey Huff was batting today, and I noticed that he tried to do a drag bunt. Oh ya, and he was batting cleanup. I’ve never seen that before. I watch a lot of baseball. I was just thinking that he might be trying to tell you two something.

The Biggest Giants Fan

P.S. You guys are really smart.

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28 July 2011

Dear you two,

I heard somewhere today that someone said you guys think that Brandon Belt could be this season’s Travis Ishikawa. I don’t understand what that even means. Please urgently reply, because I need confirmation that this was some sort of sick joke.

Last night, there was a report from a reputable station that you were going to designate for assignment (whatever that means) Pat Burrell and send Brandon Belt to Triple-A Fresno (wherever that is). I think the designate means you are getting rid of him. I think Fresno is some not-so-great place in the Valley. Anyway, I thought both ideas were stupid but I wasn’t that surprised that you would choose to do that. I don’t know. You guys are always doing something that seems strange to others, and I think that’s because you’re so smart.  

But most of all, I was glad it wasn’t true.

The Biggest Giants Fan

P.S. I read this weblog today about Aubrey Huff and how he hasn’t been good for a long time. They showed his stats over the last year, not just this year, and they weren’t good. He also showed how they are making almost the exact same amount of money and hitting almost the same. I didn’t know this.

Actually, it was weird because the weblog showed that Rowand was hitting better than Huff even though nobody likes Rowand and they hate his stance and they think he should get the designate thing, too. There was also something about center field being a more important position. I guess I didn’t understand that. First base always has the best players with the most Hall of Famers with the most MVP’s. Oh well.

Anyway, I guess the point was that Huff is as bad as Rowand is now. I mean, with the money you need to pay him and how good at baseball he is. But I guess you guys already knew that. On account of being so smart.

I copy and pasted where I read it, but I don’t know that  you’ll have a way to access it.

http://www.baycityball.com/2011/07/28/huff-and-rowand-not-so-different/

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28 July 2011

Dear you two,

It’s me again, The Biggest Giants Fan. Sorry, again, for another day with another two letters. I checked the lineup. Belt is not playing. Huff is still batting fifth, and that’s still a pretty important spot in the order.

I guess you two know what you’re doing, you know, because you’re so smart. Brian, you, you drafted Derek Jeter. Bruce, you, well you were praised as a genius all last postseason for your bullpen work. You were brilliant.

I want to be mad about Belt not playing, but I guess you two know what you’re doing. But like I said, you two are so smart. Smarter than anyone else in the world. You must be, because that’s how many people think Belt should be playing over Huff. Everyone in the whole world.

The Biggest Giants Fan

P.S. I found a bunch of Aubrey Huff t-shirts in a dumpster a few blocks away from the ballpark in San Francisco. They had a bunch of stickers on them with marked-down prices. The sticker on top said “Free!”

If you like, I can stop by the ballpark when you get back into town tomorrow. You guys can probably find a way to sell these.

Because you two are so smart.

 Follow Rory Paap on Twitter (@paapfly).